How To Show Up For Yourself

IMG_0437Are you the person that always shows up for everyone? The friend in a crisis, the co-worker that needs help, the parents that need caring for or the child needing help with schoolwork. Maybe there are hundreds of ways that people come to you and lean on you for support. With all this time being devoted to everyone else how do you show up for yourself?

It can be difficult to shift the focus to yourself if you have been in the role of showing up for everyone else first. It may be an ingrained habit that has been reinforced because of all the great feedback you may receive for being that person.

Let’s face it, being needed and counted on can feel good and is positive reinforcement for the ego. It can also feel so fulfilling that it can distract you from working on your own life or creative projects especially if you are feeling challenged or fearful. It can actually become an excuse for you to avoid your own life and potential for growth. It can be so much easier and gratifying to focus on other people’s lives and help them, even powerful because you are in a role of someone needing you, your wisdom or support.

I am not suggesting that being able to be counted on is not a valuable and wonderful trait to have because it is and we need people like you in the world! What I am suggesting is to be mindful and discriminating when you say yes to helping someone in their life. Ask yourself what you are saying yes to. Are you saying yes out of habit, out of wanting to feel powerful or because you want to avoid your own life or simply because you actually want to help.

I suggest that you evaluate your priorities. Sometimes you will need to be there for someone no matter what and this will happen in life. If you find yourself constantly being there for other people for every circumstance in their life you may want to ask yourself if you are doing them and yourself a disservice. Meaning: maybe this is something they need to figure out on their own for their growth to happen and maybe it means freeing up your time for YOUR growth to happen. By evaluating your priorities you can figure out if this is something or a situation that you may need to step away from.

You may need to practice saying NO to other people. If you find it difficult to say no to others, you can choose to practice the phrase, “I need to check my schedule and I will get back to you about that.” This will give you some time and space to evaluate the situation and see if it something that you have the time and energy to involve yourself in or if it will take time away from you showing up for yourself.

This may be very difficult at first because you may be changing a habit of always saying yes. People in your life may have a negative reaction or feel put off by you not saying yes right away. When you put yourself first this may feel uncomfortable or you may feel guilty about it. DON’T – if you do not make time for yourself and what you want to work on and create in your life you will inevitably end up feeling resentful and unsatisfied.

You do have a choice in how you would like to spend your time. The key is to be conscious and give yourself the time to make thoughtful decisions instead of responding out of habit, autopilot or other people expecting you to always say yes. You are ultimately the only one who can choose to consistently show up for yourself moment to moment every day. The question is are you consciously choosing to show up for yourself?

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